Our Dumb Words

Why does our species say such incredibly dumb things?

A bit of sarcastic satire may help clarify.
Here are a few examples...

●"There's poo in beards." 

Well, there is, and it's on your toothbrush too. But fear not, we will all survive this bacterial epidemic!
●"If man evolved from monkeys then why are there still monkeys?" 

This is the dumbest utterance spoken by humans. God invented velcro shoes for people who are too dumb to tie a knot.
●"Obama's gonna invade Texas." 

First he must find it on a map. Don't tell him it's near Mexico.
●"If we let gays get married, the next thing you know people are gonna want to marry their dogs." 

Some dogs look good in a tux.
●"If you don't wanna get beat up by the cops then don't break the law." 

No shit? It's that easy?
●"God hates fags." 

It's amazing how much a non-human divine entity suffers from petty human maladies such as hate and jealousy.
●"Don't judge me." 

Oh you mean you? The one who wants laws to tell others what they can and can't do with their bodies? Ok!
●"Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there." 

Please for Christ's sake if you love your mother think of something more original and heartfelt to say.

●"It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." 

This little nugget of white trash wisdom is the 'ah ha!' light bulb moment of transcendental awakening for the gene-damaged. It even rhymes!
●"If you don't vote then you don't have the right to complain." 

Well actually it's the opposite: If you DO vote then you don't have the right to complain. You're the one who gave these nutbag politicians your permission and endorsement.
●"My condolences. Your Uncle Jimmy is in a better place now. He's with your Aunt Ethel in eternal heaven."
Aunt Ethel? You mean Uncle Jimmy is stuck in eternity with Aunt Ethel? The woman who survived 20 years too long because of an oxygen tube and forced us as kids to eat jello fruit salad she accidentally dropped cigarette butts into??? She's the reason Uncle Jimmy drank too much! Nobody wants to be stuck with creepy old Aunt Ethel!
●"Don't judge me." 

Oh, you mean you? The wife beater felon with a bag of crack cocaine and a 'fuck you' tattoo on your forehead? OK!
●"If you eat pop rocks and soda at the same time you will explode. That's how Mikey from the Life cereal commercials died."

 This written-in-stone fact of American cultural lore is absolutely true.

This list is not comprehensive or exhaustive.

As Albert Einstein once said, "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."