Tickets For Two To Kepler 452b

Let's go to Kepler 452b.

But lets consider how long this will take. Kepler 452b is 1,400 light years away.
Getting to Kepler 452b with current space technology would take a very long time, and the trip wouldn't be survivable. But lets say the ship was durable and could carry the resources necessary (food, water, air, etc) to make the journey safely. Our current propulsion systems would get us there in about 22,500,000 years. That's so long, that assuming we had a cryochamber to sleep for millions of years during the journey, we would arrive there and awaken to find that humans back on Earth would be long gone and that they invented warp speed and colonized Kepler 452b and had lived there through eons of civilization and had since gone extinct there too. We might find statues of nations which had risen and fallen. We would find records of lifetimes we could not imagine. We would find great art and new masters and tales of new heroes that would rival the mythology of ancient Earth.
We might find a habitable world, or a world that was once habitable or never habitable, or a world that's habitat had been destroyed by the chaotic twists and turns of human civilization. We might even find intelligent non-human beings there.

We might also find the remains of some very strong people. Humans would have evolved great strength under the high levels of gravity on Kepler 452b. Humans would weight double their weight on Earth and would evolve strong bones, muscles, and hearts to handle it. We would find quite different creatures than what the weak and sickly humans were back on Earth.
We would also not be able to walk around when we arrive. After millions of years of space sleep and having frail human anatomy, we wouldn't be out for an easy stroll.

Suppose we don't have a space ship and chose to "walk" to Kepler 452b. If we walked at a brisk 225,000,000 years per light year, it would take us over 315,000,000,000 years!

Our Dumb Words

Why does our species say such incredibly dumb things?

A bit of sarcastic satire may help clarify.
Here are a few examples...

●"There's poo in beards." 

Well, there is, and it's on your toothbrush too. But fear not, we will all survive this bacterial epidemic!
●"If man evolved from monkeys then why are there still monkeys?" 

This is the dumbest utterance spoken by humans. God invented velcro shoes for people who are too dumb to tie a knot.
●"Obama's gonna invade Texas." 

First he must find it on a map. Don't tell him it's near Mexico.
●"If we let gays get married, the next thing you know people are gonna want to marry their dogs." 

Some dogs look good in a tux.
●"If you don't wanna get beat up by the cops then don't break the law." 

No shit? It's that easy?
●"God hates fags." 

It's amazing how much a non-human divine entity suffers from petty human maladies such as hate and jealousy.
●"Don't judge me." 

Oh you mean you? The one who wants laws to tell others what they can and can't do with their bodies? Ok!
●"Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there." 

Please for Christ's sake if you love your mother think of something more original and heartfelt to say.

●"It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." 

This little nugget of white trash wisdom is the 'ah ha!' light bulb moment of transcendental awakening for the gene-damaged. It even rhymes!
●"If you don't vote then you don't have the right to complain." 

Well actually it's the opposite: If you DO vote then you don't have the right to complain. You're the one who gave these nutbag politicians your permission and endorsement.
●"My condolences. Your Uncle Jimmy is in a better place now. He's with your Aunt Ethel in eternal heaven."
Aunt Ethel? You mean Uncle Jimmy is stuck in eternity with Aunt Ethel? The woman who survived 20 years too long because of an oxygen tube and forced us as kids to eat jello fruit salad she accidentally dropped cigarette butts into??? She's the reason Uncle Jimmy drank too much! Nobody wants to be stuck with creepy old Aunt Ethel!
●"Don't judge me." 

Oh, you mean you? The wife beater felon with a bag of crack cocaine and a 'fuck you' tattoo on your forehead? OK!
●"If you eat pop rocks and soda at the same time you will explode. That's how Mikey from the Life cereal commercials died."

 This written-in-stone fact of American cultural lore is absolutely true.

This list is not comprehensive or exhaustive.

As Albert Einstein once said, "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

Apes Gone Aflat!

People believe a lot of things, and luckily that doesn't make it so. We wouldn't want to fall off the edges of a flat world, would we?

The kind round-Earthers over at I FUCKING LOVE SCIENCE have shared this little bit about The Flat Earther Society. Check it out...

http://www.iflscience.com/space/there-are-still-people-who-believe-earth-flat-usa

Enjoy!
And remember, what comes around goes around!

The Greatest of The Apes!

From Apes Gone Askew to Apes Gone Ascrew!

What has the world's most overpopulated primate put in its arse or various orafi lately?

The good folks over at www.deadspin.com tell us all about it...

http://deadspin.com/what-did-we-get-stuck-in-our-rectums-this-year-1486766986

Some of this can be chalked up as being plain old kink gone wrong, but some of it is a bit creative.

Be careful out there!

Hieronymus Bosch

Hieronymus Bosch, born Jeroen Anthonissen van Aken (c. 1450 - August 9, 1516) was an Early Netherlandish painter of the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries. Many of his works depict sin and human moral failings.

Bosch used images of demons, half-human animals and machines to evoke fear and confusion to portray the evil of man.

His works contain complex, highly original, imaginative, and dense use of symbolic figures and iconography, some of which was obscure even in his own time. (From Wikipedia)

Very little is known of the life of Hieronymus Bosch aside from his paintings. He was the original surrealist and his painting can be explored for a lifetime.

An archive of his work can be found here:

http://www.hieronymus-bosch.org

Enjoy!